Ariyike Writes: Virgin or Not
Posted on Thursday, May 9th, 2013 at 10:05 AM
By Ariyike Akinbobola
Last
week, I met up with my cousin who just moved back to Nigeria and he
came with his friend. We had lunch at Soul Lounge at the Palms mall in
Oniru, V.I and we had a long talk. We gisted about all sorts and the
topic that took the longest of our time was “women”.
Apparently, his friend that came along
just got married to a girl he’s been dating for three years. They never
had sex before they got married because the chic was a virgin and she had always told him that the best wedding gift she could give her husband was her virginity.
On their wedding night, they decided to
do the “do” it didn’t go as he had expected. What shocked him about the
whole act was the fact that he didn’t see any “blood”. This episode made
him question whether he really married a virgin. He asked for my
opinion and I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t in all cases that
you’ll see blood when a woman looses her virginity. I even went further
to tell him that her hymen may have broken ages ago if she was active in
sports but he was hell bent on believing what he believed which was-
She fooled him into believing she was a virgin.
What surprised me the most about our
conversation was when the guy said he regretted not marrying his
ex-girlfriend. I was quite surprised I was hearing this from someone who
got married barely four months ago. So I asked him why he didn’t marry
his ex-girlfriend, he simply said “She had been with too many guys.” The
look of shock on my face made my cousin chip into the conversation
“Err…Ariyike, he meant to say she had been with too many guys before
they started dating and he just couldn’t marry her and live with the
thoughts”.
It got me thinking about a friend of
mine. She’s been with about 5 different men and each time she started
dating, she believed he was “the one”. At each point in time, we always
thought she would end up with the person she was dating but somehow,
they always left her until she finally found genuine love and this
happened when she wasn’t even searching. Now she’s married with kids.
Marrying a virgin or marrying as a
virgin is a good thing in fact it’s the proper thing to do but we also
must remember that we are all human beings. We’re not perfect and our
imperfections make us who we are. The fact that a girl has been with a
lot of guys in her past doesn’t mean she can’t be a good wife and the
fact that a girl is a virgin doesn’t mean she’s going to give you all
the happiness and satisfaction you desire. For the lucky guy, she may be
a virgin and still make him happy, that’s what you call a “total
package.” Why do guys even date girls that they feel have been with “too
many” guys when they know they don’t have good intentions for the girl?
This brings me to my second question. How many is “too many?”
During the course of our conversation, I
asked him if he was a virgin when he got married and he said “ofcourse
not” and we all laughed. I went ahead to tell him that life is not as
serious as we take it, if someone makes you happy, you shouldn’t care if
she’s a virgin or not, everyone has a past and we all must respect that
fact. His ex girlfriend made him happy but he left her because she had
been with too many men, a fact he already knew while they were dating.
A lot of men can be selfish, most of
them like to “play” around but they don’t want to know that anyone has
ever “touched” the one they love. No man wants to know that his woman
has ever been with another man even though he has been busy frolicking
with other women. Men that have been with a lot of women are referred to
as “Gs” or “Bad guys” while women/ladies that made mistakes in their
past by dating different guys are called the worst names. Some of these
ladies did not intentionally date several men, a lot of them were naive
back then, most had misplaced priorities and as they mature and grow
older, they become focused and begin to know what they want out of life.
A guy once told me he dumped his 23 year
old girlfriend because she told him she had been with 27 guys. In his
own words “If she’s only 23 and she’s been with 27, by the time she hits
27, she would have been with God knows how many”. But like I said
earlier on, that may not be the case.
Let’s all remember that we’ve all made
mistakes in the past and no one is perfect, some have made more mistakes
than others. However, it’s helps if you can learn from your mistakes
and the mistakes of others in order to live a decent life and for the
virgins out there, you are like diamonds in this our generation so keep
shinning.
Bellanaija readers, let’s be honest with ourselves;
1. How many men should a woman have slept with that qualifies her as being with too many men?
2. Men: Would you want her to tell you
the names of all the men she’s been with? Women: would you tell him how
many men you’ve been with?
3. Men: If she says she’s a virgin and
you marry her, you penetrate and don’t see “blood”, are you going to
think she deceived you into believing she was a virgin?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Ariyike Akinbobola is a lawyer turned TV
resenter/producer at Spice TV, a fashion and lifestyle channel. She
studied Law at the University of Lagos and was called to the Nigerian
bar in 2006. With a diploma in T.V presenting from the London Academy of
Media, film and T.V. She also organises a monthly event every first
Wednesday of the month called “Best of Both Worlds” networking cocktail
party. She’s married and blessed with children. Follow her on
twitter@LadyAriyike to find out more.
source bella naija
