Ariyike Writes: Virgin or Not

Posted on Thursday, May 9th, 2013 at 10:05 AM By Ariyike Akinbobola

Last week, I met up with my cousin who just moved back to Nigeria and he came with his friend. We had lunch at Soul Lounge at the Palms mall in Oniru, V.I and we had a long talk. We gisted about all sorts and the topic that took the longest of our time was “women”.

Apparently, his friend that came along just got married to a girl he’s been dating for three years. They never had sex before they got married because the chic was a virgin and she had always told him that the best wedding gift she could give her husband was her virginity.

On their wedding night, they decided to do the “do” it didn’t go as he had expected. What shocked him about the whole act was the fact that he didn’t see any “blood”. This episode made him question whether he really married a virgin. He asked for my opinion and I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t in all cases that you’ll see blood when a woman looses her virginity. I even went further to tell him that her hymen may have broken ages ago if she was active in sports but he was hell bent on believing what he believed which was- She fooled him into believing she was a virgin.

What surprised me the most about our conversation was when the guy said he regretted not marrying his ex-girlfriend. I was quite surprised I was hearing this from someone who got married barely four months ago. So I asked him why he didn’t marry his ex-girlfriend, he simply said “She had been with too many guys.” The look of shock on my face made my cousin chip into the conversation “Err…Ariyike, he meant to say she had been with too many guys before they started dating and he just couldn’t marry her and live with the thoughts”.

It got me thinking about a friend of mine. She’s been with about 5 different men and each time she started dating, she believed he was “the one”. At each point in time, we always thought she would end up with the person she was dating but somehow, they always left her until she finally found genuine love and this happened when she wasn’t even searching. Now she’s married with kids.

Marrying a virgin or marrying as a virgin is a good thing in fact it’s the proper thing to do but we also must remember that we are all human beings. We’re not perfect and our imperfections make us who we are. The fact that a girl has been with a lot of guys in her past doesn’t mean she can’t be a good wife and the fact that a girl is a virgin doesn’t mean she’s going to give you all the happiness and satisfaction you desire. For the lucky guy, she may be a virgin and still make him happy, that’s what you call a “total package.” Why do guys even date girls that they feel have been with “too many” guys when they know they don’t have good intentions for the girl? This brings me to my second question. How many is “too many?”

During the course of our conversation, I asked him if he was a virgin when he got married and he said “ofcourse not” and we all laughed. I went ahead to tell him that life is not as serious as we take it, if someone makes you happy, you shouldn’t care if she’s a virgin or not, everyone has a past and we all must respect that fact. His ex girlfriend made him happy but he left her because she had been with too many men, a fact he already knew while they were dating.

A lot of men can be selfish, most of them like to “play” around but they don’t want to know that anyone has ever “touched” the one they love. No man wants to know that his woman has ever been with another man even though he has been busy frolicking with other women. Men that have been with a lot of women are referred to as “Gs” or “Bad guys” while women/ladies that made mistakes in their past by dating different guys are called the worst names. Some of these ladies did not intentionally date several men, a lot of them were naive back then, most had misplaced priorities and as they mature and grow older, they become focused and begin to know what they want out of life.

A guy once told me he dumped his 23 year old girlfriend because she told him she had been with 27 guys. In his own words “If she’s only 23 and she’s been with 27, by the time she hits 27, she would have been with God knows how many”. But like I said earlier on, that may not be the case.

Let’s all remember that we’ve all made mistakes in the past and no one is perfect, some have made more mistakes than others. However, it’s helps if you can learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others in order to live a decent life and for the virgins out there, you are like diamonds in this our generation so keep shinning.

Bellanaija readers, let’s be honest with ourselves;
1. How many men should a woman have slept with that qualifies her as being with too many men?

2. Men: Would you want her to tell you the names of all the men she’s been with? Women: would you tell him how many men you’ve been with?

3. Men: If she says she’s a virgin and you marry her, you penetrate and don’t see “blood”, are you going to think she deceived you into believing she was a virgin?

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Ariyike Akinbobola is a lawyer turned TV resenter/producer at Spice TV, a fashion and lifestyle channel. She studied Law at the University of Lagos and was called to the Nigerian bar in 2006. With a diploma in T.V presenting from the London Academy of Media, film and T.V. She also organises a monthly event every first Wednesday of the month called “Best of Both Worlds” networking cocktail party. She’s married and blessed with children. Follow her on twitter@LadyAriyike to find out more.

source bella naija